Ah, yes, it's that time of year again... The time of year when the leaves start changing and there's a cold chill in the air. The smell of wet leaves and bonfires mingle with the tastes of crisp apple cider and sweet pumpkin pie. Yes, it's Fall, and with Fall comes one of the most exciting holidays of the year.
Halloween!
Yes, in just one short day, we'll all be dressing up as our favorite superheroes, or our favorite celebrities, or our favorite vampires from teen drama movies/books series and going trick-or-treating begging for yummy treats from strangers. And although this now much commercialized holiday is a time for merriment and sugar comas, the holiday started off with much different origins. Yes, this holiday has its origins as a time to ward off evil spirits.
But when looked at from a Green perspective, do we really want to ward off evil spirits? The answer is yes... and no... Green Tip #40 is a two part Green Tip.
(For Warm Weather Readers)
If you live in a warmer climate, what you're going to want to do is get your house possessed by a ghost. Now, I'm certainly no expert in how you're supposed to get around to doing this, but I do know that on TV and movies and books and stuff, the people living in a haunted house always feel a cold chill when there's an evil spirit present. I saw this on a ghost hunting show and the first thing I thought was "Man, that would save a lot of money on my A/C costs during the summer." And while I have no idea if ghosts use spiritual energy efficient ways to bring a chill to the house, I do know that ghosts are regular energy efficient. And trust me, California, you could use to be more energy efficient...
(For Cold Weather Readers)
Now, obviously, the first thing you want to do is to have your house exorcised of any demonic forces that might chill your already drafty, cold house. And I have just the thing to help with that.
You need to hold lots of seances. And why is that? Because seances use lots of candles. And while I'm not saying that candles are necessarily energy efficient ways to light your house, they can serve a double purpose. Because colder climates also get darker earlier during the winter, and you could use all the lighting you can handle.
Well, there you have it... this doesn't need to be done during Halloween necessarily, but I was just reminded of this because of all the Halloween festivities that are going on.
On a side note, make sure you keep this in mind if you're about to die. I mean, when I become a ghost, I know for sure that I'll be heading off to somewhere warmer. Whoever owns the place I end up haunting will thank me for it.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Green Tip #39: Agrarian Society
First off, let me say that the word 'agrarian' is a fun word. 'Agrarian.' Say it with me. 'Agrarian.'
Okay, now that's out of the way, let's move on with the rest of the Green Tip. Agrarian is a term that roughly means 'farm-based.' To use it in a sentence, "Gary is an idiot because he doesn't know what agrarian means." Most, if not all, societies started off as agrarian several hundred or thousand years ago. Gradually some countries grew towards more merchant-based societies that sold their agrarian neighbors' goods. Then the Industrial Revolution came around and that's basically when society decided that they were tired of nature and would do what it could to pave over everything in order to make room for the Targets and such that would come around in a few hundred years.
So, while it may seem that's the direction I'm heading, Green Tip #39 is not by any means an endorsement of all developed countries returning to an agrarian society. If I did that, nobody would be able to use computers and therefore couldn't read The Impractical Green Resource. Then we'd be back where we were with Green Tip #26. For those of you that don't remember, we don't want that.
No, while some parts of an agrarian society would be great (no more... (hm, I can't say 'Hummers' here anymore) let's just say Escalades), there are a lot of other things that we'd all miss too much. Like tires. No, not tires for cars, but tires for playing with. (Green Tip #37). Because yes, while tires are primitive by our standards, they are a product of the Industrial Revolution.
Here's a partial list of other things I'd miss if we lived in an agrarian society:
Wind turbines.
Videos of babies laughing on YouTube.
Ziploc bags.
Football.
The Dr. Phil show.
Witty bumper stickers.
Bubble wrap.
Crème brûlée.
Halloween decorative lights.
Volumes 1-18 (54 episodes) of the Good Eats TV show.
and a whole lot more that I don't have space to list here.
So, an agrarian society would not be an ideal place to live. But they did have some pretty important things right. Like, for example, if you get up when the sun rises and go to bed when the sun sets, think of how much electricity you could save. (Lots). And don't you think we could save a lot of gas if we rode horses and buggies places instead of driving cars? Basically, I'm saying the the Amish have it right on. Live like you are in an agrarian society, only without all those inconveniences that come along with it.
Okay, now that's out of the way, let's move on with the rest of the Green Tip. Agrarian is a term that roughly means 'farm-based.' To use it in a sentence, "Gary is an idiot because he doesn't know what agrarian means." Most, if not all, societies started off as agrarian several hundred or thousand years ago. Gradually some countries grew towards more merchant-based societies that sold their agrarian neighbors' goods. Then the Industrial Revolution came around and that's basically when society decided that they were tired of nature and would do what it could to pave over everything in order to make room for the Targets and such that would come around in a few hundred years.
So, while it may seem that's the direction I'm heading, Green Tip #39 is not by any means an endorsement of all developed countries returning to an agrarian society. If I did that, nobody would be able to use computers and therefore couldn't read The Impractical Green Resource. Then we'd be back where we were with Green Tip #26. For those of you that don't remember, we don't want that.
No, while some parts of an agrarian society would be great (no more... (hm, I can't say 'Hummers' here anymore) let's just say Escalades), there are a lot of other things that we'd all miss too much. Like tires. No, not tires for cars, but tires for playing with. (Green Tip #37). Because yes, while tires are primitive by our standards, they are a product of the Industrial Revolution.
Here's a partial list of other things I'd miss if we lived in an agrarian society:
Wind turbines.
Videos of babies laughing on YouTube.
Ziploc bags.
Football.
The Dr. Phil show.
Witty bumper stickers.
Bubble wrap.
Crème brûlée.
Halloween decorative lights.
Volumes 1-18 (54 episodes) of the Good Eats TV show.
and a whole lot more that I don't have space to list here.
So, an agrarian society would not be an ideal place to live. But they did have some pretty important things right. Like, for example, if you get up when the sun rises and go to bed when the sun sets, think of how much electricity you could save. (Lots). And don't you think we could save a lot of gas if we rode horses and buggies places instead of driving cars? Basically, I'm saying the the Amish have it right on. Live like you are in an agrarian society, only without all those inconveniences that come along with it.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Green Tip #38: One Space or Two?
Conservation is an interesting thing. The way I see it, there are two basic approaches to conservation. The first way to conserve electricity, water, gas, plastics, chocolate, etc. is to switch to a different method of using the said resource that uses less of it. For example, if you want to use less electricity, switch to LED or CFL light bulbs. Or, if you want to use less chocolate, make chocolate chip cookies instead of chocolate cookies. You can still get what you want, just with less resource investment.
The other way to conserve is to simply cut out the amount you use by changing your habits. For example, if you want to cut down on electricity, you can put a timer on your lights to turn them off at night. Or, if you want to conserve chocolate, you can make sugar cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies. Ideally, you'd want a combination of the two kinds to maximize your conservation efforts.
That brings me to my green tip for today. One of the things that has been sort of ambiguous about computers and typing is whether to use one space or two after a sentence. Well, Green Tip #38 is that you should always only use one. The simple logic of it is that you will be hitting your space key just a little bit less that way. And that means your keyboard will last just a little bit longer. That means that you'll be less likely to replace your laptop or computer as often and keep that waste out of landfills. So do the right thing for the environment, and always make sure to use only one space whenever you end a sentence.
The other way to conserve is to simply cut out the amount you use by changing your habits. For example, if you want to cut down on electricity, you can put a timer on your lights to turn them off at night. Or, if you want to conserve chocolate, you can make sugar cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies. Ideally, you'd want a combination of the two kinds to maximize your conservation efforts.
That brings me to my green tip for today. One of the things that has been sort of ambiguous about computers and typing is whether to use one space or two after a sentence. Well, Green Tip #38 is that you should always only use one. The simple logic of it is that you will be hitting your space key just a little bit less that way. And that means your keyboard will last just a little bit longer. That means that you'll be less likely to replace your laptop or computer as often and keep that waste out of landfills. So do the right thing for the environment, and always make sure to use only one space whenever you end a sentence.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Green Tip #37: Landfill Reduction, Part 3
Good evening everyone. No introduction here, just
Landfill Reduction, Part 3 - Uses For Old Tires
1) With the recession the way it is (sucky) it's going to be difficult to afford toys for your children this holiday season. So, while it certainly doesn't compare to a Nintendo Wii, an old tire can be loads of fun for a kid to play with. Just ask previous generations, who could amuse themselves for hours on a tire swing. Although, with the childhood obesity epidemic going on, you might need to get a truck tire to make the swing...
2) Have you ever wondered why mattresses are so expensive? I mean the components of them are fairly common (metal, fabric, etc). My suggestion: a big bag of scraps of used tires. Sure, it might be a little lumpy, but think of how soft and bouncy rubber is! And who doesn't love smelling rubber all night long while they sleep?
3) Not so much a green tip as it is a money tip, but how about lining your car with used rubber tires? If you show that to your insurance company, they'll be sure to knock down your car insurance rates. Because there is no way anything will happen to your car.
4) Finally, although some people will tell you that it's bad for the environment, I recommend burning tires. I mean, people are wrong about things from time to time. Just look at corn based ethanol. Everyone thought that was so great and now nobody wants to go near that stuff. Maybe tires will be the same way, but in reverse. Just think, you could be a trend setter. Five years from now when everyone's burning tires, you can say "yeah, I was doing that before anyone thought that was a good idea." Anyone except me, of course.
Landfill Reduction, Part 3 - Uses For Old Tires
1) With the recession the way it is (sucky) it's going to be difficult to afford toys for your children this holiday season. So, while it certainly doesn't compare to a Nintendo Wii, an old tire can be loads of fun for a kid to play with. Just ask previous generations, who could amuse themselves for hours on a tire swing. Although, with the childhood obesity epidemic going on, you might need to get a truck tire to make the swing...
2) Have you ever wondered why mattresses are so expensive? I mean the components of them are fairly common (metal, fabric, etc). My suggestion: a big bag of scraps of used tires. Sure, it might be a little lumpy, but think of how soft and bouncy rubber is! And who doesn't love smelling rubber all night long while they sleep?
3) Not so much a green tip as it is a money tip, but how about lining your car with used rubber tires? If you show that to your insurance company, they'll be sure to knock down your car insurance rates. Because there is no way anything will happen to your car.
4) Finally, although some people will tell you that it's bad for the environment, I recommend burning tires. I mean, people are wrong about things from time to time. Just look at corn based ethanol. Everyone thought that was so great and now nobody wants to go near that stuff. Maybe tires will be the same way, but in reverse. Just think, you could be a trend setter. Five years from now when everyone's burning tires, you can say "yeah, I was doing that before anyone thought that was a good idea." Anyone except me, of course.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Green Tip #36: This is the Last Straw, Hummer!
Well, well, well. The day we've been dreading has finally come. Hummer has finally become even less environmentally friendly.
WHAT??? How can this be possible?? Well, let me act it out for you in a little scene.
The scene opens in a corporate board room, several middle aged men are sitting around a large board room table, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Mr. Browne, the CEO enters in a gas powered wheelchair, smoke coming out the exhaust.
Browne: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
VP of Pollution: What is it?
Browne: Hummer, our proud company is facing a crisis. After all these years of polluting the environment, our numbers are falling.
VP of Sales: I understand that our sales are falling, but the technology department has assured me that our models are just as bad for the environment as always!
Browne: That's not good enough! In order to make up for our declining sales, we have to make our models worse than ever before!
VP of Operations: That's not possible! Wait, unless-
Browne: Yes, we have to do it.
VP of Marketing: But you know that the polar-bear-blood powered Hummers didn't test well among key market segments!
Browne: No, we're not going that far. We're going to sell ourselves to a Chinese company.
Applause and sighs of relief erupt from everyone around the table.
Browne: You see, if we're owned by a Chinese company, we don't have to follow any of the restrictions that the USA imposes on us. We can be as bad for the environment as possible!
More cheering.
Browne: Alright, everyone, let's go down to the park that's upstream of the daycare so we can dump our asbestos into the river.
They all leave, smiling and shaking one another's hands.
The End.
Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that, but it might have been similar. And yes, it is true, Hummer is owned by a Chinese company. And is therefore even worse for the environment. But I'm finally done making fun of Hummers. You'll never hear me mention them again. And the reason is this: I mean, really, what American would buy a Chinese car?
Green Tip #36 is this: keep doing what you're doing. Not buying Chinese cars.
WHAT??? How can this be possible?? Well, let me act it out for you in a little scene.
The scene opens in a corporate board room, several middle aged men are sitting around a large board room table, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Mr. Browne, the CEO enters in a gas powered wheelchair, smoke coming out the exhaust.
Browne: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
VP of Pollution: What is it?
Browne: Hummer, our proud company is facing a crisis. After all these years of polluting the environment, our numbers are falling.
VP of Sales: I understand that our sales are falling, but the technology department has assured me that our models are just as bad for the environment as always!
Browne: That's not good enough! In order to make up for our declining sales, we have to make our models worse than ever before!
VP of Operations: That's not possible! Wait, unless-
Browne: Yes, we have to do it.
VP of Marketing: But you know that the polar-bear-blood powered Hummers didn't test well among key market segments!
Browne: No, we're not going that far. We're going to sell ourselves to a Chinese company.
Applause and sighs of relief erupt from everyone around the table.
Browne: You see, if we're owned by a Chinese company, we don't have to follow any of the restrictions that the USA imposes on us. We can be as bad for the environment as possible!
More cheering.
Browne: Alright, everyone, let's go down to the park that's upstream of the daycare so we can dump our asbestos into the river.
They all leave, smiling and shaking one another's hands.
The End.
Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that, but it might have been similar. And yes, it is true, Hummer is owned by a Chinese company. And is therefore even worse for the environment. But I'm finally done making fun of Hummers. You'll never hear me mention them again. And the reason is this: I mean, really, what American would buy a Chinese car?
Green Tip #36 is this: keep doing what you're doing. Not buying Chinese cars.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A Side Note
Hey, because I am frequently self-referential (vocab word for the day...) I went back and put a link in every time I refer to another Green Tip. You know, to make things more simple for you all.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
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