Green Tip #88: Stop Having So Many Friends

For those of you who did a double take when you saw this and got worried that you forgot it's Tuesday and started panicking that you missed the newest episodes of 'Lost' and 'American Idol,' I just want to assure you that, yes, I am posting this on Monday night. I'm going to be busy tomorrow presenting my green research all day and wanted to get this one in early. (Don't be worried, you're not missing out on Green Tips that I'm not sharing with you. My day job is to come up with Practical Green Tips. Totally boring stuff you wouldn't be interested in.)

So yes, on to Green Tip #88. I was watching one of my favorite TV shows this afternoon and some of the characters were talking about marriages and how they were inviting so many people to the event. That got me thinking about the people that don't really have that many friends to invite to their weddings and how that might actually be good for the environment. Not just for weddings, but life in general.

Think about this: how many times have you been asked to visit an old college or high school friend that has moved out of town? All that gas being wasted driving all the way down there or flying out to wherever it is your friend lives. I say no more! It's time to cut those ties for the sake of the environment! Unless you live on an island (which you should), there's a good chance you live close enough to other people that you can find other friends that will fill the voids in your life. Ideally you'd only be friends with your neighbors, that way you can never have to drive to visit anyone.

So yeah, sorry everyone, I guess if you live more than 10 miles away from me, don't plan on seeing me anymore. We can still talk on the phone, though! Just keep the conversations short so I don't have to waste electricity charging my cell phone!

Green Tip #63: Take That Hawaiian Trip!

Now, you'll have noticed that over the past months that I've been writing The Impractical Green Resource, more often than not, I've advocated NOT doing things. Don't ever brake when you're driving. Don't use tissues. Don't wear clothes. Don't use wrapping paper. Don't ever leave your house. You're probably sick of me by now telling you what you can't do. And, yes, I realize that I've been a little bit of a stick in the mud. And you know what, I think I'll make it up to you. I'm going to suggest that you do something fun.

Taking that trip to Hawaii is actually a pretty Green Thing to do. In fact, that's Green Tip #63. Take a trip to Hawaii right now.

"But wait!" you're probably thinking or saying out loud to yourself (by the way, talking to yourself can be an early sign of schizophrenia, so I'd get that checked out), "how can a trip to Hawaii be a Green Tip?? Think of all the fuel wasted in flying out there and back! And what about the fact that I'll have to rent a car when I get there? And all those mountains??? I'm sure I'll get horrible gas mileage!"

"Calm down for a second," I tell myself. "I'm missing the point of the Green Tip."
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"Well, I happen to know that due to tectonic activity, Hawaii is moving 3 inches towards Japan every year."
"Really? That doesn't seem all that significant..."
"Yeah, but think of the extra fuel that the plane will use getting those extra three inches."
"Psh! It's only three inches!"
"Okay then, we'll just land three inches short of the runway and you can get out and push us the last little bit."
"I can't push a jet at all, let alone three inches!"
"Well if you can't do it, that should give you an idea of how much fuel it must take..."
"Hm, maybe you're right. I'm going to go pack right now!"

Well, I think I've been talking to myself just a bit too much. I'm going to end this now before somebody (SPOILERS!) pushes me in to the fires of Mount Doom.

Enjoy Hawaii!