Green Tip #5: Clothing Optional

Hm... I've delayed putting off this tip because it is sort of an unusual one and may be a little uncomfortable for a lot of people. But I've thought about this from a lot of angles, and the green benefits of this one are very overwhelming and hard to ignore. So without further delays, here's my green tip #5:

Become a nudist.

Now, I know environmentalism and nudism already seem to go together in some ways. You might think of all those crazy eco-nuts who believe that everything man-made is the work of the devil. Polyester is made in factories and is therefore evil. Cotton, while naturally grown, still has to be processed and you know how evil multi-national companies take advantage of poor rural workers in Honduras and rape their culture. So cotton = evil. The eco-nuts' solution? Live in some community in the mountains away from the pervasive greed and sin of modern Western culture where clothing is optional and veganism is mandatory.

And while Gary, your environmentalist co-worker, is still raving about the summer he spent there in 2007, it's easy to dismiss the whole subculture as a bunch of crazy people you're not likely to interact with until the day you buy a leather jacket and get red paint thrown on you. But hold on, these organic soy milk drinking nudists may be on to something. Even if their dislike-bordering-on-paranoia of large textile corporations was developed because they smoked too much marijuana. Organic marijuana, naturally.

There are a few green benefits to being a nudist other than bringing down evil large companies. For example, think how much water you could save by never having to wash any clothes? Yes, it's true that you'd have to shower more often so people aren't as disgusted by your filthy exposed body. But I think there is a net gain in water saved.

Another benefit? During the summer, imagine not wearing any clothes. In all likelihood, you will be sweating much less because your skin will be allowed to breathe. This relates back to Green Tip #1. Do less work, less GHG's. (remember, those aren't baseball steroids) Similarly, sweating less means you'll need to drink less water and voila! You won't be contributing to the latest drought as much.

There you have it. A few easy to understand reasons why you could become a nudist to save the planet. But seriously Gary, just because I defended fat people in Green Tip #4, it doesn't mean you shouldn't lose a few pounds. Especially if you're going to be walking around the office naked.