Green Tip #8: Use Tissues Sparlingly

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay. I was just out taking my recycling to the drop off point. But then I got there and realized that the city doesn't take recycling anymore so I was manually melting down and reforging my plastic bottles. You know, a typically Sunday afternoon.

So the IGR is meant to be a guide that the average everyday person can use to make the average everyday things they do just a little greener. So I started racking my brains trying to think of something that most people do. Then it hit me! A lot of people pick their noses! (Well it didn't literally hit me, that would be extremely gross)

Now, it's pretty obvious where I'm going with this one. With no practical snot-powered car on the market yet, snot has no real use to us. (You know, I'm 99% confident that GM was so close to unveiling the 2010 Chevy Mucus but scrapped it because of the bankruptcy filing. Darn you financial crisis!!) So snot's been a burden to us for as long as mankind has had noses. Think of all the trees that had to be cut down to make all those billions of tissues.

So it's clear by now that I'm implying that Green Tip #8 is to use tissues as little as possible. But what is the eco-friendly proboscis explorer to do instead? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Pick it and Flick it. I think you know what this means. Just remember a few guidelines for this one. Don't do it inside, unless you want boogers all over your bare feet. (Gross!) Don't do it when people are around, such as your spouse, your kids (don't set a bad example!), your boss, your mailman, your chiropractor, your parole officer, your ex-girlfriend or -boyfriend, your- actually, no, who cares with your ex. You're not trying to impress them or anything. Pick away when they're around!

2. If you Need to Blow, Use Dirty Clothes. Oh, come on, don't tell me you haven't thought of it. I mean, you're just going to wash them eventually, right? What's the harm with using it instead of a tissue?

3. The Ever Horrible Runny Nose. It's not uncommon to go through several boxes of tissues to ride out one of those pesky common colds. Here's what you do about that: STOP GETTING SICK! Haha, no I'm just kidding. You can't help it that you are a member of the Unclean Caste. But what you should do is find something else to stick up there. A good eco-friendly option is to shove leaves or grass up your proboscis. That'll keep everything from running down your face all the time. That and you get the added bonus of nobody wanting to sit or stand near you on the subway! Score one for more personal space!

Hope these tips help you out when those allergies flare up again this year. Just remember not to shove poison ivy leaves up there. I can't help you with that one...