Ah, yes, it's that time of year again... The time of year when the leaves start changing and there's a cold chill in the air. The smell of wet leaves and bonfires mingle with the tastes of crisp apple cider and sweet pumpkin pie. Yes, it's Fall, and with Fall comes one of the most exciting holidays of the year.
Halloween!
Yes, in just one short day, we'll all be dressing up as our favorite superheroes, or our favorite celebrities, or our favorite vampires from teen drama movies/books series and going trick-or-treating begging for yummy treats from strangers. And although this now much commercialized holiday is a time for merriment and sugar comas, the holiday started off with much different origins. Yes, this holiday has its origins as a time to ward off evil spirits.
But when looked at from a Green perspective, do we really want to ward off evil spirits? The answer is yes... and no... Green Tip #40 is a two part Green Tip.
(For Warm Weather Readers)
If you live in a warmer climate, what you're going to want to do is get your house possessed by a ghost. Now, I'm certainly no expert in how you're supposed to get around to doing this, but I do know that on TV and movies and books and stuff, the people living in a haunted house always feel a cold chill when there's an evil spirit present. I saw this on a ghost hunting show and the first thing I thought was "Man, that would save a lot of money on my A/C costs during the summer." And while I have no idea if ghosts use spiritual energy efficient ways to bring a chill to the house, I do know that ghosts are regular energy efficient. And trust me, California, you could use to be more energy efficient...
(For Cold Weather Readers)
Now, obviously, the first thing you want to do is to have your house exorcised of any demonic forces that might chill your already drafty, cold house. And I have just the thing to help with that.
You need to hold lots of seances. And why is that? Because seances use lots of candles. And while I'm not saying that candles are necessarily energy efficient ways to light your house, they can serve a double purpose. Because colder climates also get darker earlier during the winter, and you could use all the lighting you can handle.
Well, there you have it... this doesn't need to be done during Halloween necessarily, but I was just reminded of this because of all the Halloween festivities that are going on.
On a side note, make sure you keep this in mind if you're about to die. I mean, when I become a ghost, I know for sure that I'll be heading off to somewhere warmer. Whoever owns the place I end up haunting will thank me for it.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Green Tip #39: Agrarian Society
First off, let me say that the word 'agrarian' is a fun word. 'Agrarian.' Say it with me. 'Agrarian.'
Okay, now that's out of the way, let's move on with the rest of the Green Tip. Agrarian is a term that roughly means 'farm-based.' To use it in a sentence, "Gary is an idiot because he doesn't know what agrarian means." Most, if not all, societies started off as agrarian several hundred or thousand years ago. Gradually some countries grew towards more merchant-based societies that sold their agrarian neighbors' goods. Then the Industrial Revolution came around and that's basically when society decided that they were tired of nature and would do what it could to pave over everything in order to make room for the Targets and such that would come around in a few hundred years.
So, while it may seem that's the direction I'm heading, Green Tip #39 is not by any means an endorsement of all developed countries returning to an agrarian society. If I did that, nobody would be able to use computers and therefore couldn't read The Impractical Green Resource. Then we'd be back where we were with Green Tip #26. For those of you that don't remember, we don't want that.
No, while some parts of an agrarian society would be great (no more... (hm, I can't say 'Hummers' here anymore) let's just say Escalades), there are a lot of other things that we'd all miss too much. Like tires. No, not tires for cars, but tires for playing with. (Green Tip #37). Because yes, while tires are primitive by our standards, they are a product of the Industrial Revolution.
Here's a partial list of other things I'd miss if we lived in an agrarian society:
Wind turbines.
Videos of babies laughing on YouTube.
Ziploc bags.
Football.
The Dr. Phil show.
Witty bumper stickers.
Bubble wrap.
Crème brûlée.
Halloween decorative lights.
Volumes 1-18 (54 episodes) of the Good Eats TV show.
and a whole lot more that I don't have space to list here.
So, an agrarian society would not be an ideal place to live. But they did have some pretty important things right. Like, for example, if you get up when the sun rises and go to bed when the sun sets, think of how much electricity you could save. (Lots). And don't you think we could save a lot of gas if we rode horses and buggies places instead of driving cars? Basically, I'm saying the the Amish have it right on. Live like you are in an agrarian society, only without all those inconveniences that come along with it.
Okay, now that's out of the way, let's move on with the rest of the Green Tip. Agrarian is a term that roughly means 'farm-based.' To use it in a sentence, "Gary is an idiot because he doesn't know what agrarian means." Most, if not all, societies started off as agrarian several hundred or thousand years ago. Gradually some countries grew towards more merchant-based societies that sold their agrarian neighbors' goods. Then the Industrial Revolution came around and that's basically when society decided that they were tired of nature and would do what it could to pave over everything in order to make room for the Targets and such that would come around in a few hundred years.
So, while it may seem that's the direction I'm heading, Green Tip #39 is not by any means an endorsement of all developed countries returning to an agrarian society. If I did that, nobody would be able to use computers and therefore couldn't read The Impractical Green Resource. Then we'd be back where we were with Green Tip #26. For those of you that don't remember, we don't want that.
No, while some parts of an agrarian society would be great (no more... (hm, I can't say 'Hummers' here anymore) let's just say Escalades), there are a lot of other things that we'd all miss too much. Like tires. No, not tires for cars, but tires for playing with. (Green Tip #37). Because yes, while tires are primitive by our standards, they are a product of the Industrial Revolution.
Here's a partial list of other things I'd miss if we lived in an agrarian society:
Wind turbines.
Videos of babies laughing on YouTube.
Ziploc bags.
Football.
The Dr. Phil show.
Witty bumper stickers.
Bubble wrap.
Crème brûlée.
Halloween decorative lights.
Volumes 1-18 (54 episodes) of the Good Eats TV show.
and a whole lot more that I don't have space to list here.
So, an agrarian society would not be an ideal place to live. But they did have some pretty important things right. Like, for example, if you get up when the sun rises and go to bed when the sun sets, think of how much electricity you could save. (Lots). And don't you think we could save a lot of gas if we rode horses and buggies places instead of driving cars? Basically, I'm saying the the Amish have it right on. Live like you are in an agrarian society, only without all those inconveniences that come along with it.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Green Tip #38: One Space or Two?
Conservation is an interesting thing. The way I see it, there are two basic approaches to conservation. The first way to conserve electricity, water, gas, plastics, chocolate, etc. is to switch to a different method of using the said resource that uses less of it. For example, if you want to use less electricity, switch to LED or CFL light bulbs. Or, if you want to use less chocolate, make chocolate chip cookies instead of chocolate cookies. You can still get what you want, just with less resource investment.
The other way to conserve is to simply cut out the amount you use by changing your habits. For example, if you want to cut down on electricity, you can put a timer on your lights to turn them off at night. Or, if you want to conserve chocolate, you can make sugar cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies. Ideally, you'd want a combination of the two kinds to maximize your conservation efforts.
That brings me to my green tip for today. One of the things that has been sort of ambiguous about computers and typing is whether to use one space or two after a sentence. Well, Green Tip #38 is that you should always only use one. The simple logic of it is that you will be hitting your space key just a little bit less that way. And that means your keyboard will last just a little bit longer. That means that you'll be less likely to replace your laptop or computer as often and keep that waste out of landfills. So do the right thing for the environment, and always make sure to use only one space whenever you end a sentence.
The other way to conserve is to simply cut out the amount you use by changing your habits. For example, if you want to cut down on electricity, you can put a timer on your lights to turn them off at night. Or, if you want to conserve chocolate, you can make sugar cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies. Ideally, you'd want a combination of the two kinds to maximize your conservation efforts.
That brings me to my green tip for today. One of the things that has been sort of ambiguous about computers and typing is whether to use one space or two after a sentence. Well, Green Tip #38 is that you should always only use one. The simple logic of it is that you will be hitting your space key just a little bit less that way. And that means your keyboard will last just a little bit longer. That means that you'll be less likely to replace your laptop or computer as often and keep that waste out of landfills. So do the right thing for the environment, and always make sure to use only one space whenever you end a sentence.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Green Tip #37: Landfill Reduction, Part 3
Good evening everyone. No introduction here, just
Landfill Reduction, Part 3 - Uses For Old Tires
1) With the recession the way it is (sucky) it's going to be difficult to afford toys for your children this holiday season. So, while it certainly doesn't compare to a Nintendo Wii, an old tire can be loads of fun for a kid to play with. Just ask previous generations, who could amuse themselves for hours on a tire swing. Although, with the childhood obesity epidemic going on, you might need to get a truck tire to make the swing...
2) Have you ever wondered why mattresses are so expensive? I mean the components of them are fairly common (metal, fabric, etc). My suggestion: a big bag of scraps of used tires. Sure, it might be a little lumpy, but think of how soft and bouncy rubber is! And who doesn't love smelling rubber all night long while they sleep?
3) Not so much a green tip as it is a money tip, but how about lining your car with used rubber tires? If you show that to your insurance company, they'll be sure to knock down your car insurance rates. Because there is no way anything will happen to your car.
4) Finally, although some people will tell you that it's bad for the environment, I recommend burning tires. I mean, people are wrong about things from time to time. Just look at corn based ethanol. Everyone thought that was so great and now nobody wants to go near that stuff. Maybe tires will be the same way, but in reverse. Just think, you could be a trend setter. Five years from now when everyone's burning tires, you can say "yeah, I was doing that before anyone thought that was a good idea." Anyone except me, of course.
Landfill Reduction, Part 3 - Uses For Old Tires
1) With the recession the way it is (sucky) it's going to be difficult to afford toys for your children this holiday season. So, while it certainly doesn't compare to a Nintendo Wii, an old tire can be loads of fun for a kid to play with. Just ask previous generations, who could amuse themselves for hours on a tire swing. Although, with the childhood obesity epidemic going on, you might need to get a truck tire to make the swing...
2) Have you ever wondered why mattresses are so expensive? I mean the components of them are fairly common (metal, fabric, etc). My suggestion: a big bag of scraps of used tires. Sure, it might be a little lumpy, but think of how soft and bouncy rubber is! And who doesn't love smelling rubber all night long while they sleep?
3) Not so much a green tip as it is a money tip, but how about lining your car with used rubber tires? If you show that to your insurance company, they'll be sure to knock down your car insurance rates. Because there is no way anything will happen to your car.
4) Finally, although some people will tell you that it's bad for the environment, I recommend burning tires. I mean, people are wrong about things from time to time. Just look at corn based ethanol. Everyone thought that was so great and now nobody wants to go near that stuff. Maybe tires will be the same way, but in reverse. Just think, you could be a trend setter. Five years from now when everyone's burning tires, you can say "yeah, I was doing that before anyone thought that was a good idea." Anyone except me, of course.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Green Tip #36: This is the Last Straw, Hummer!
Well, well, well. The day we've been dreading has finally come. Hummer has finally become even less environmentally friendly.
WHAT??? How can this be possible?? Well, let me act it out for you in a little scene.
The scene opens in a corporate board room, several middle aged men are sitting around a large board room table, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Mr. Browne, the CEO enters in a gas powered wheelchair, smoke coming out the exhaust.
Browne: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
VP of Pollution: What is it?
Browne: Hummer, our proud company is facing a crisis. After all these years of polluting the environment, our numbers are falling.
VP of Sales: I understand that our sales are falling, but the technology department has assured me that our models are just as bad for the environment as always!
Browne: That's not good enough! In order to make up for our declining sales, we have to make our models worse than ever before!
VP of Operations: That's not possible! Wait, unless-
Browne: Yes, we have to do it.
VP of Marketing: But you know that the polar-bear-blood powered Hummers didn't test well among key market segments!
Browne: No, we're not going that far. We're going to sell ourselves to a Chinese company.
Applause and sighs of relief erupt from everyone around the table.
Browne: You see, if we're owned by a Chinese company, we don't have to follow any of the restrictions that the USA imposes on us. We can be as bad for the environment as possible!
More cheering.
Browne: Alright, everyone, let's go down to the park that's upstream of the daycare so we can dump our asbestos into the river.
They all leave, smiling and shaking one another's hands.
The End.
Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that, but it might have been similar. And yes, it is true, Hummer is owned by a Chinese company. And is therefore even worse for the environment. But I'm finally done making fun of Hummers. You'll never hear me mention them again. And the reason is this: I mean, really, what American would buy a Chinese car?
Green Tip #36 is this: keep doing what you're doing. Not buying Chinese cars.
WHAT??? How can this be possible?? Well, let me act it out for you in a little scene.
The scene opens in a corporate board room, several middle aged men are sitting around a large board room table, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Mr. Browne, the CEO enters in a gas powered wheelchair, smoke coming out the exhaust.
Browne: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
VP of Pollution: What is it?
Browne: Hummer, our proud company is facing a crisis. After all these years of polluting the environment, our numbers are falling.
VP of Sales: I understand that our sales are falling, but the technology department has assured me that our models are just as bad for the environment as always!
Browne: That's not good enough! In order to make up for our declining sales, we have to make our models worse than ever before!
VP of Operations: That's not possible! Wait, unless-
Browne: Yes, we have to do it.
VP of Marketing: But you know that the polar-bear-blood powered Hummers didn't test well among key market segments!
Browne: No, we're not going that far. We're going to sell ourselves to a Chinese company.
Applause and sighs of relief erupt from everyone around the table.
Browne: You see, if we're owned by a Chinese company, we don't have to follow any of the restrictions that the USA imposes on us. We can be as bad for the environment as possible!
More cheering.
Browne: Alright, everyone, let's go down to the park that's upstream of the daycare so we can dump our asbestos into the river.
They all leave, smiling and shaking one another's hands.
The End.
Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that, but it might have been similar. And yes, it is true, Hummer is owned by a Chinese company. And is therefore even worse for the environment. But I'm finally done making fun of Hummers. You'll never hear me mention them again. And the reason is this: I mean, really, what American would buy a Chinese car?
Green Tip #36 is this: keep doing what you're doing. Not buying Chinese cars.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A Side Note
Hey, because I am frequently self-referential (vocab word for the day...) I went back and put a link in every time I refer to another Green Tip. You know, to make things more simple for you all.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Green Tip #35: Curbside Mailboxes
If you've noticed over the past few months that the Impractical Green Resource has been around, the titles of the Green Tips are usually pretty unclear of what the actual message is that I'm about to tell you. (Green Tip #29: McDonald's PlayPlaces Are Causing Global Warming comes to mind for example) That being said, you're probably even more confused as to what Green Tip #35 is all about. Hm, if I had more time (and interested readers) that would actually be a pretty cool contest. I post an obscure green tip title and you guess what the message is supposed to be.
But alas, Global Warming is not a joke and we don't have time to play games. We need to band together and fight back. Together, armed with the swords of alternative energy, the shields of energy conservation, the breastplates of recycling and the helmets of water conservation, we will ride into battle (in our steeds of hybrid cars?) and we will take back what is rightfully ours! For are we not men and women?! Men and women with rights and freedoms! And while Global Warming may have taken our polar bears and our New Orleans, it has not taken our dignity!! For though we may be beaten down as the tide waters rise and the droughts afflict our land, we will go down in history as those that fought back!! Today, we make a stand for all of mankind!!! We will be remembered as heroes!! STAND YOUR GROUND AND GO PLACE YOUR MAILBOX ON THE CURB!!!!! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Wait, what? You don't get it? Oh, sorry. I always forget that it's inform then inspire. I've wasted so many great battle rallying cries because I forgot to explain what it is we're rallying for. As my friends, family, landlord, and random creepers and stalkers know, my mailbox is attached to the side of my house due to the fact that my house is older and when it was built, most mail was likely delivered by hand. Well, this was great back then, but now it's not so practical. Now what my mail carrier does is drive to somewhere and park and walk up and down the street delivering the mail. Because it takes much longer to walk from house to house than it does to drive from mailbox to mailbox, the mail carrier can most likely only deliver half (or less) the amount of mail as someone in a mail truck.
Well, this poses a dilemma. On one hand it's great that the mail carrier isn't driving from house to house to deliver mail. Normally I'm all for that. The problem is that if every mail carrier delivered in trucks, we'd need so many less mail carriers. By extension, that would mean so many less mail trucks. After all, my mail carrier still drives from the post office to my street.
So the USPS should look into mandatory curbside mailboxes. I mean, it would save them a lot of money (sorry, that means layoffs. Don't hate me, mail carriers! I'm only doing it for the environment!) And the USPS is sort of desperate for cost cutting suggestions at this point. (They've talked about cutting down mail delivery days from 6 to 5 per week. That means less trucks using less fuel! Yay Postal Service!)
Anyway, I'm all worn out from rallying you all a few paragraphs ago, so at this point please go back to where I say "But alas..." and read that over a few times to get yourselves worked up. I'm going to go take a nap or something...
But alas, Global Warming is not a joke and we don't have time to play games. We need to band together and fight back. Together, armed with the swords of alternative energy, the shields of energy conservation, the breastplates of recycling and the helmets of water conservation, we will ride into battle (in our steeds of hybrid cars?) and we will take back what is rightfully ours! For are we not men and women?! Men and women with rights and freedoms! And while Global Warming may have taken our polar bears and our New Orleans, it has not taken our dignity!! For though we may be beaten down as the tide waters rise and the droughts afflict our land, we will go down in history as those that fought back!! Today, we make a stand for all of mankind!!! We will be remembered as heroes!! STAND YOUR GROUND AND GO PLACE YOUR MAILBOX ON THE CURB!!!!! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Wait, what? You don't get it? Oh, sorry. I always forget that it's inform then inspire. I've wasted so many great battle rallying cries because I forgot to explain what it is we're rallying for. As my friends, family, landlord, and random creepers and stalkers know, my mailbox is attached to the side of my house due to the fact that my house is older and when it was built, most mail was likely delivered by hand. Well, this was great back then, but now it's not so practical. Now what my mail carrier does is drive to somewhere and park and walk up and down the street delivering the mail. Because it takes much longer to walk from house to house than it does to drive from mailbox to mailbox, the mail carrier can most likely only deliver half (or less) the amount of mail as someone in a mail truck.
Well, this poses a dilemma. On one hand it's great that the mail carrier isn't driving from house to house to deliver mail. Normally I'm all for that. The problem is that if every mail carrier delivered in trucks, we'd need so many less mail carriers. By extension, that would mean so many less mail trucks. After all, my mail carrier still drives from the post office to my street.
So the USPS should look into mandatory curbside mailboxes. I mean, it would save them a lot of money (sorry, that means layoffs. Don't hate me, mail carriers! I'm only doing it for the environment!) And the USPS is sort of desperate for cost cutting suggestions at this point. (They've talked about cutting down mail delivery days from 6 to 5 per week. That means less trucks using less fuel! Yay Postal Service!)
Anyway, I'm all worn out from rallying you all a few paragraphs ago, so at this point please go back to where I say "But alas..." and read that over a few times to get yourselves worked up. I'm going to go take a nap or something...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Green Tip #34: Second Life = Only Life
Hey everybody. Sorry for not posting again yesterday. It's looking like Fridays are just really busy for me so don't be surprised if you start seeing more posts on Saturdays.
Anyway, this one is sort of an exciting Green Tip because it can take a huge bite out of our collective carbon footprint. (By the way, if I ever start a band, I think Collective Carbon Footprint might not be a bad name...) I'm sure many of you have heard of the website Second Life, but for those of you that haven't, I'll give you a little background (source: Wikipedia).
Second Life is a website that started some time in the past 20 years by some computer savvy people. The basic premise is that you can create your own character in the game and then that character can go out and get a job and buy a house and buy clothes and toys and electronics and all that good stuff. Think the Sims, but more customization and realistic. Oh, except you can fly, but that's unrelated. Anyway, you can spend your own real money to get things in this game or you can start your own business and earn fake money in the game to buy things.
If you're pretty environmentally adept, you've probably already figured out where I'm going with this one. Right now, Second Life is only a game, but just think if everyone was logged in 24/7. I mean, there's no need to buy a real car or real gas if you can just fly anywhere you want to in the game. So all we need to do is just to replicate the entire world in the game so people have no need to live in the real world.
Ah, I can see it now: a series of solar panels and wind turbines constantly running to create power to run our computers. And attached to these computers will be the population of the world, quietly playing Second Life with IVs hooked up to them so they never have to stop to get food. The strain that we're currently putting on the environment will be over!
Well, thanks for reading everyone. I'm off to go drive my virtual Hummer absolutely guilt free!
Anyway, this one is sort of an exciting Green Tip because it can take a huge bite out of our collective carbon footprint. (By the way, if I ever start a band, I think Collective Carbon Footprint might not be a bad name...) I'm sure many of you have heard of the website Second Life, but for those of you that haven't, I'll give you a little background (source: Wikipedia).
Second Life is a website that started some time in the past 20 years by some computer savvy people. The basic premise is that you can create your own character in the game and then that character can go out and get a job and buy a house and buy clothes and toys and electronics and all that good stuff. Think the Sims, but more customization and realistic. Oh, except you can fly, but that's unrelated. Anyway, you can spend your own real money to get things in this game or you can start your own business and earn fake money in the game to buy things.
If you're pretty environmentally adept, you've probably already figured out where I'm going with this one. Right now, Second Life is only a game, but just think if everyone was logged in 24/7. I mean, there's no need to buy a real car or real gas if you can just fly anywhere you want to in the game. So all we need to do is just to replicate the entire world in the game so people have no need to live in the real world.
Ah, I can see it now: a series of solar panels and wind turbines constantly running to create power to run our computers. And attached to these computers will be the population of the world, quietly playing Second Life with IVs hooked up to them so they never have to stop to get food. The strain that we're currently putting on the environment will be over!
Well, thanks for reading everyone. I'm off to go drive my virtual Hummer absolutely guilt free!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Green Tip #33: Down With Prunes!
This seems to be happening a lot recently. I’m sitting around in my living room, watching TV, and I see a commercial for some product or company and I can’t pay attention to the message that they’re trying to get across because either 1) their product has some green feature that they’re not highlighting in the commercial, but I tend to notice or 2) their product is so Brown that it just makes me cringe and want to write a blog about it.
As you can imagine, since I already wrote about the first point (Green Tip #29) this Green Tip will be focusing on some company or product that is just soooo bad that I couldn’t even get the point of the commercial.
And that product is prunes.
Yes, the unassuming prune will be the death of us all. And the reason for this is that I saw a commercial for prunes where they were interviewing a couple of people about how they like the individually wrapped prunes. Oh, everyone loved them, of course! They showed a bunch of happy, carefully selected to be racially and age-ly diverse people smiling and enjoying their prunes as if somehow this magical anti-oxidant rich fruit can make them forget that we’re in the middle of a recession and that dear old Dad just lost his job from the GM plant that he’d worked at for 35 years and now he can’t retire and take that trip to Europe that he’d been planning for his whole life. And now he’s talking about how he and Mom are talking about selling the house and moving in with you just to make ends meet. Oh, and by the way, Mom’s vision is going so she can’t drive anymore so you’re going to have to take her to her bingo game every week. Oh yeah, and don’t forget that your son is acting up in school and you’re starting to suspect he’s got a learning disorder so you’ll have to take him to a specialist that charges $150 an hour just to tell you that your son is stupid.
But no, life’s just fine because you’re eating a prune!
What they don’t show is what they’re doing with the individual wrappers that are on each prune. Well I’ll tell you what’s happening to them. They’re going into landfills and falling into waterways and ending up in giant Pacific garbage patches. And I think it’s been pretty well established that giant Pacific garbage patches are a sign of the coming apocalypse, so maybe prunes aren’t all that great.
Anyway, I’m not saying that prunes are the end of society as we know it, so you’re more than welcome to have them. As the world crashes down around us and the flood waters are coming, feel free to gorge yourself on prunes until you fall into an anti-oxidant induced stupor. Just like Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned, you can sit back and watch while the icecaps melt and droughts choke the life from the world. You won’t care; you’ll have your AMAZING prunes. Individually wrapped prunes! So convenient for you to take into your bomb shelter to avoid the end of the world!
As you can imagine, since I already wrote about the first point (Green Tip #29) this Green Tip will be focusing on some company or product that is just soooo bad that I couldn’t even get the point of the commercial.
And that product is prunes.
Yes, the unassuming prune will be the death of us all. And the reason for this is that I saw a commercial for prunes where they were interviewing a couple of people about how they like the individually wrapped prunes. Oh, everyone loved them, of course! They showed a bunch of happy, carefully selected to be racially and age-ly diverse people smiling and enjoying their prunes as if somehow this magical anti-oxidant rich fruit can make them forget that we’re in the middle of a recession and that dear old Dad just lost his job from the GM plant that he’d worked at for 35 years and now he can’t retire and take that trip to Europe that he’d been planning for his whole life. And now he’s talking about how he and Mom are talking about selling the house and moving in with you just to make ends meet. Oh, and by the way, Mom’s vision is going so she can’t drive anymore so you’re going to have to take her to her bingo game every week. Oh yeah, and don’t forget that your son is acting up in school and you’re starting to suspect he’s got a learning disorder so you’ll have to take him to a specialist that charges $150 an hour just to tell you that your son is stupid.
But no, life’s just fine because you’re eating a prune!
What they don’t show is what they’re doing with the individual wrappers that are on each prune. Well I’ll tell you what’s happening to them. They’re going into landfills and falling into waterways and ending up in giant Pacific garbage patches. And I think it’s been pretty well established that giant Pacific garbage patches are a sign of the coming apocalypse, so maybe prunes aren’t all that great.
Anyway, I’m not saying that prunes are the end of society as we know it, so you’re more than welcome to have them. As the world crashes down around us and the flood waters are coming, feel free to gorge yourself on prunes until you fall into an anti-oxidant induced stupor. Just like Nero playing the fiddle while Rome burned, you can sit back and watch while the icecaps melt and droughts choke the life from the world. You won’t care; you’ll have your AMAZING prunes. Individually wrapped prunes! So convenient for you to take into your bomb shelter to avoid the end of the world!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Green Tip #32: EZ-Pass
Sorry about that yesterday, it's been a busy week and I couldn't make time to get a post up. But I wouldn't want to just leave you hanging until next Tuesday. I mean, the environment's just going to keep getting worse and any days I take off will be days where Global Warming wins.
So this will be sort of a rare post, not only because it's on Saturday, but also because this will be one of the few Green Tips that don't live up to the "Impractical" part of the "Impractical Green Resource." Possibly. I mean, Green Tip #32 is going to apply to only a small part of the population of the world. So if you don't live in Ohio (more specifically northern Ohio) you won't get a whole lot out of this.
Anyway, Ohio recently unveiled its EZ-Pass system for the Turnpike which makes it quicker and easier to use the tolls in Ohio. This is something that's been done in other states around the Midwest, so Ohio was just slow in getting around to it. Basically how it works is that you pay online however much you want on your account. Then you get a little box that attaches to your windshield and sends a radio signal to the toll both when you drive through and it deducts it from your account. So much quicker, so much simpler!
So I got mine this week and tried it out yesterday driving from Cleveland to Toledo. First of all, it was amazingly simple not worrying about change and getting my wallet out and worrying about where to put my ticket and-
Wait! No ticket! Suddenly this whole EZ-Pass thing is even better then I thought! No tickets means no using paper to print tickets! Yay for hidden environmental benefits! And, to make it even more environmentally friendly, this is just one step closer to a coins-less society. While discussing how bad coin printing is for the environment could be an entirely separate post, let me just say that the less coins we use, the less coins we'll need to print which means less mining of various metals.
So, in conclusion, if you live in a state with an EZ-Pass system and you plan on making some trips on toll roads, do the Green thing and get one of these EZ-Pass transponders!
So this will be sort of a rare post, not only because it's on Saturday, but also because this will be one of the few Green Tips that don't live up to the "Impractical" part of the "Impractical Green Resource." Possibly. I mean, Green Tip #32 is going to apply to only a small part of the population of the world. So if you don't live in Ohio (more specifically northern Ohio) you won't get a whole lot out of this.
Anyway, Ohio recently unveiled its EZ-Pass system for the Turnpike which makes it quicker and easier to use the tolls in Ohio. This is something that's been done in other states around the Midwest, so Ohio was just slow in getting around to it. Basically how it works is that you pay online however much you want on your account. Then you get a little box that attaches to your windshield and sends a radio signal to the toll both when you drive through and it deducts it from your account. So much quicker, so much simpler!
So I got mine this week and tried it out yesterday driving from Cleveland to Toledo. First of all, it was amazingly simple not worrying about change and getting my wallet out and worrying about where to put my ticket and-
Wait! No ticket! Suddenly this whole EZ-Pass thing is even better then I thought! No tickets means no using paper to print tickets! Yay for hidden environmental benefits! And, to make it even more environmentally friendly, this is just one step closer to a coins-less society. While discussing how bad coin printing is for the environment could be an entirely separate post, let me just say that the less coins we use, the less coins we'll need to print which means less mining of various metals.
So, in conclusion, if you live in a state with an EZ-Pass system and you plan on making some trips on toll roads, do the Green thing and get one of these EZ-Pass transponders!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)