Green Tip #69: Goats, Seagulls, and Sharks

This one is so obvious that it's probably already been thought of and written about in some other humorous Green blog, and there's a chance that they're actually already doing it in some parts of the world, but you know what? It's so ingenious that I thought I'd share it with you anyway.

Goats are kind of a weird animal. And by weird I actually mean pretty stupid. You see, goats have this tendency to eat just about anything. They'll chow down like the average American in an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet if you put anything in front of them. Even garbage! How dumb can you be?? Don't they know where that garbage came from?? Apparently not, because they keep doing it and somehow it doesn't seem to bother them.

Well this got me thinking. Why not just park some goats in a landfill and let them go to town? That would certainly help out with the issue of landfills taking up too much space and being potentially hazardous to the environment. So Green Tip #69 is that cities need to hire (well, not quite hire, but you know what I mean) a squad of goats to roam the hills of the landfills cutting out vast portions of the landfilled garbage.

You're probably wondering about the title, though. The thing about putting goats in landfills is that the garbage still needs to get into the landfill. All that stuff that's floating around the streets isn't going to get to the landfill by itself. That's why we need seagulls to roam the streets looking for garbage. While not quite as stupid as goats when it comes to eating garbage, seagulls are not picky at all when it comes to their diet.

And finally, we need sharks (the Scavengers of the Seas as nobody but me calls them) to take care of all that stuff that ends up in the oceans forming Pacific Garbage Patches. So let's get our animal friends to help us out and let's have them get a taste for garbage! Because let's face it, if we don't clean up the garbage, we're going to destroy the environment and they won't have anywhere to live anyway. So while it's not their problem, they'll get a steady diet out of it, so it's not like it's all bad for them...