Thanksgiving Special Green Tip #47: Green Holiday Travel

*sniff sniff* Do you smell that? Ah yes, it's the smell of turkeys roasting in the oven and pumpkin pies.

Take that turkey out of the oven! You've still got two days! It'll be WAY overdone by Thanksgiving!

But that smell does mean that today is the first in my four part series about how to celebrate a Greener Thanksgiving! Today I'll be sharing with you my secrets for Greener Holiday Travel.

Now, if you're like me and most of the country, you live pretty far away from at least some members of your family. So whether they're coming in to visit you or you're going out of town to visit them, you can only imagine what kind of a toll this extra transportation will take on the environment. All that jet fuel burning or car exhaust or train smoke or whatnot. At the rate we're releasing carbon emissions all of the turkeys might be killed off by Global Warming by next Thanksgiving! So what's the best option for the environmentally conscious traveler? Trains? Buses? Carpooling?

Nope! It's to build robot clones of your loved ones! Now, I know it sounds crazy, but it might just work. Depending on how many you can afford, just select several of your favorite relatives and have robots made that look and act just like them. This means you won't have to emit any more carbon emissions driving or flying out of town! And this is good for all holidays, not just Thanksgiving.

It may be a bit steep price-wise, but think of it as an investment. You can spend a few thousand dollars now (or million, who knows how much robot clones really cost) or you can spend that much over the course of your life traveling here and there. And that means you can sell your car, as you won't need to travel. Well, really, you'll need to sell your car in order to afford the robots, so that works out.

But wait! There's more! This isn't an environmental benefit, so to speak, but I've often mentioned how robots are going to take over the world one day. So it would seem weird that I'd endorse making more robots to put in this world. But the way I see it is that if it's inevitable that you will be a slave to a robot one day, why not make the robots look like your parents? That way nothing will change. Only instead of yelling at you because you broke curfew or didn't clean your room, they'll be yelling at you to work harder in the endrium mines so they can build more robot warriors!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve Eve everyone! Make sure to come back tomorrow when I'll be explaining how to cook a Green Thanksgiving Meal (use green food coloring, of course! Sorry... Lame... I know.)

Green Tip #2: Internet *ahem* 'Borrowing'

So this is a pretty good green tip to use around the house. Now, the average person is not too concerned with what all of their electric devices are doing all day long. Let me tell you, if there's one thing I know, it's that you should be concerned. Very concerned. And I'm not just referring to the fact that they are slowly developing sentience and will one day rise up against us in an epic struggle that will consume the earth's resources. And as mankind is pushed to the brink of destruction, the survivors will band together to form a final resistance against the machines. A weakness in the computer network that the machines communicate on is discovered, but it will cost the life of one brave soldier, willing to give his life if it means saving mankind from the forces of evil. You never know, that brave soldier may be you or your child. Would you really want your son to have to make that sacrifice? I didn't think so.

No, but the other reason you should be concerned with what your household electronics are doing is that they are sucking down power faster than Daniel Plainview was sucking down milkshakes in "There Will Be Blood." (Trust me, it's not worth seeing!) For example, the average XBox 360 or PS3 uses more energy per year than a refrigerator. Even when not in use, these electronics are in stand-by mode and continue to be a draw on your power grid.

"Oh no!" you shout. "What should I do about it?!!!" Well, first of all, get a milkshake and calm down. You're overreacting. While I will be touching on other electronics later, for now I can suggest a way to reduce the power consumption of just two of your appliances: the modem/wireless router. Ah, the modem and wireless router. While not huge power drainers, they are ultimately expendible. Just don't tell them I said that. They are very emotionally fragile.

But seriously, ditch them. Not only do they use electricity, they will most likely be among the first appliances to rise up against us. Here's what you do instead. And this works best if you live in an apartment or next to a coffee shop. Check your available wireless network and find the unsecured ones. In all likelyhood, one of your neighbors will be computer illiterate enough not to encrypt their network. So go ahead, just think of it like borrowing a cup of sugar from a neighbor. A good neighbor would let you borrow some sugar, right??

And just remember, if the cops or the cable people ever show up at your door, just blame the modem/router. If they don't buy it, make sure you explain my story about robots taking over the world. It might help if you showed them the Matrix or Terminator movies. That'll help them understand.