Green Tip #35: Curbside Mailboxes

If you've noticed over the past few months that the Impractical Green Resource has been around, the titles of the Green Tips are usually pretty unclear of what the actual message is that I'm about to tell you. (Green Tip #29: McDonald's PlayPlaces Are Causing Global Warming comes to mind for example) That being said, you're probably even more confused as to what Green Tip #35 is all about. Hm, if I had more time (and interested readers) that would actually be a pretty cool contest. I post an obscure green tip title and you guess what the message is supposed to be.

But alas, Global Warming is not a joke and we don't have time to play games. We need to band together and fight back. Together, armed with the swords of alternative energy, the shields of energy conservation, the breastplates of recycling and the helmets of water conservation, we will ride into battle (in our steeds of hybrid cars?) and we will take back what is rightfully ours! For are we not men and women?! Men and women with rights and freedoms! And while Global Warming may have taken our polar bears and our New Orleans, it has not taken our dignity!! For though we may be beaten down as the tide waters rise and the droughts afflict our land, we will go down in history as those that fought back!! Today, we make a stand for all of mankind!!! We will be remembered as heroes!! STAND YOUR GROUND AND GO PLACE YOUR MAILBOX ON THE CURB!!!!! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Wait, what? You don't get it? Oh, sorry. I always forget that it's inform then inspire. I've wasted so many great battle rallying cries because I forgot to explain what it is we're rallying for. As my friends, family, landlord, and random creepers and stalkers know, my mailbox is attached to the side of my house due to the fact that my house is older and when it was built, most mail was likely delivered by hand. Well, this was great back then, but now it's not so practical. Now what my mail carrier does is drive to somewhere and park and walk up and down the street delivering the mail. Because it takes much longer to walk from house to house than it does to drive from mailbox to mailbox, the mail carrier can most likely only deliver half (or less) the amount of mail as someone in a mail truck.

Well, this poses a dilemma. On one hand it's great that the mail carrier isn't driving from house to house to deliver mail. Normally I'm all for that. The problem is that if every mail carrier delivered in trucks, we'd need so many less mail carriers. By extension, that would mean so many less mail trucks. After all, my mail carrier still drives from the post office to my street.

So the USPS should look into mandatory curbside mailboxes. I mean, it would save them a lot of money (sorry, that means layoffs. Don't hate me, mail carriers! I'm only doing it for the environment!) And the USPS is sort of desperate for cost cutting suggestions at this point. (They've talked about cutting down mail delivery days from 6 to 5 per week. That means less trucks using less fuel! Yay Postal Service!)

Anyway, I'm all worn out from rallying you all a few paragraphs ago, so at this point please go back to where I say "But alas..." and read that over a few times to get yourselves worked up. I'm going to go take a nap or something...