Green Tip #36: This is the Last Straw, Hummer!

Well, well, well. The day we've been dreading has finally come. Hummer has finally become even less environmentally friendly.

WHAT??? How can this be possible?? Well, let me act it out for you in a little scene.

The scene opens in a corporate board room, several middle aged men are sitting around a large board room table, smoking cigars and drinking brandy. Mr. Browne, the CEO enters in a gas powered wheelchair, smoke coming out the exhaust.

Browne: Gentlemen, we have a problem.
VP of Pollution: What is it?
Browne: Hummer, our proud company is facing a crisis. After all these years of polluting the environment, our numbers are falling.
VP of Sales: I understand that our sales are falling, but the technology department has assured me that our models are just as bad for the environment as always!
Browne: That's not good enough! In order to make up for our declining sales, we have to make our models worse than ever before!
VP of Operations: That's not possible! Wait, unless-
Browne: Yes, we have to do it.
VP of Marketing: But you know that the polar-bear-blood powered Hummers didn't test well among key market segments!
Browne: No, we're not going that far. We're going to sell ourselves to a Chinese company.

Applause and sighs of relief erupt from everyone around the table.

Browne: You see, if we're owned by a Chinese company, we don't have to follow any of the restrictions that the USA imposes on us. We can be as bad for the environment as possible!

More cheering.

Browne: Alright, everyone, let's go down to the park that's upstream of the daycare so we can dump our asbestos into the river.

They all leave, smiling and shaking one another's hands.

The End.

Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that, but it might have been similar. And yes, it is true, Hummer is owned by a Chinese company. And is therefore even worse for the environment. But I'm finally done making fun of Hummers. You'll never hear me mention them again. And the reason is this: I mean, really, what American would buy a Chinese car?

Green Tip #36 is this: keep doing what you're doing. Not buying Chinese cars.