Green Tip #45: You Can't Take It With You

Every so often, the Green Tips posted in the Impractical Green Resource will bring up serious questions about what the best course of action will be in a situation. For example, what is the environmentally conscious person supposed to do when it comes to dining out? Green Tip #45 will address that issue using some of the previous Green Tips to back it up.

First off, let me say this. Why are you even thinking about eating out in the first place? Are you not listening to me? Just one week ago, in Green Tip #43, I suggested to everyone that they stay locked away in their homes until spring comes around like a bear trapped in her cave or a celebrity under house arrest.

Okay, I can accept that you might live in a warmer climate and that Green Tip might not apply. If that's the case, what are you going to do when you end up going out to eat and have leftovers? I mean, I just cringe whenever I see those Styrofoam take out boxes littering the side of the streets.

The very observant (and obsessive) reader will know that the two main options can both by covered by previous Green Tips. Option 1 is to follow what Green Tip #4 implicitly states. Sure, go ahead and scarf down the rest of that chicken cacciatore. While I never expressly endorsed being fat as a way to save energy, I did have the opportunity to denounce being fat and I didn't take it. That can be read as saying it's okay to be overweight. And think about how much you can save on your heating bill if you've got a thick layer of blubber.

The other option is to take it home with you. I know, I know, Styrofoam has been called Satan's excrement because of how bad it is for the environment, but Green Tip #20 has some very good suggestions on what to do with the Styrofoam boxes once you get home. Walking on water = pretty darn cool. Just make sure you wash out the boxes before you use them so you aren't stepping in clam sauce.

So which way is better? The quick answer: neither. If you go back and read Green Tip #6 you will see that there is a third and better option. Simply ask the waiter or waitress which wall is an external wall, and begin stuffing your leftovers in for insulation! Just remember to put the hole higher up on the wall, otherwise you'll have food leaking all over the restaurant. Just don't forget what Green Tip #54 has to say about those extra drinks, otherwise you'll run into more problems than just weird looks!

What? The link doesn't work? Okay, don't worry about it. It'll work someday.