Green Tip #105: Don't Live By Example

Ladies and gentlemen, those of you that know me personally will know that I lived in California for almost a week several months ago and have made plans to travel back there in December. While I have tried to keep this dark secret out of the public, I cannot bear the shame of violating Green Tip #17 any longer. I have prepared an apology.

"First, please let me apologize to my family, friends, co-workers and fellow bloggers for the cloud placed over satirical Green blogs. I did nothing wrong while on the West Coast. I regret my decision to plead guilty and the sadness that decision has brought to my girlfriend, family, friends, and fellow bloggers. For that I apologize.

In September, I overreacted and made a poor decision. While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Burbank airport or anywhere else, I chose to only use public transportation that week in the hope of making it [California's pollution] go away. I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, self-proclaimed California liberal eco-hippie, friends, or family. That was a mistake, and I deeply regret it. Because of that, I have now come forth and I am asking my readers to review this matter and to advise me on how to proceed.

For a moment, I want to put my state of mind into context on September 12th. For eight months leading up to September, my blog and I had been relentlessly and viciously harassed by my poor motivation and an ill-conceived Tournament. If you've seen today's paper, you know why. Let me be clear: I do not hate the environment and never have. Also, I am not gay and never have been.

Still, without a shred of truth or evidence to the contrary, the memory of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch has engaged in this witch hunt. In pleading guilty to not recycling that week, I overreacted in California, because of the stress of the polluted air and the rumors it has fueled around the blogosphere (ugh, I hate that word). Again, that overreaction was a mistake, and I apologize for my misjudgment. Furthermore, I should not have kept this travel to myself, and should have told my family and friends about it. I wasn't eager to share this failure, but I should have done so anyway.

I love my fiance, family, friends, readers and the environment. I love serving the Internet in this blog. Over the years, I have accomplished a lot for the environment, and I hope my readers will allow me to continue to do that. There are still goals I would like to accomplish, and I believe I can still be an effective leader for eco-hippies everywhere. Next month, I will announce, as planned, whether or not I will recycle when I am in California.

As an elected [by Blogger.com and myself] blogger, I fully realize that my life is open for public criticism and scrutiny, and I take full responsibility for the mistake in judgment I made in attempting to handle this matter myself.

It is clear, though, that through my actions I have brought a cloud [of smog] over California. For that, I ask the readers of this blog for their forgiveness.

As I mentioned earlier, I have now retained counsel to examine this matter and I will make no further comment."

Okay, one further comment. The framework for the apology was provided by a former Senator from Idaho named Larry Craig. For a better appreciation of the paragraphs above, see this article here. Oh, and me stealing this speech is a good example of how to live out Green Tip #10.