For those of you that have been following the IGR for a while now will have noticed that it has taken on a more urgent tone in recent posts. The reason for this is that we're fighting a war here. A war against pollution and wasted energy. A war against GHG's and large carbon footprints. And I'm sorry to say that we're not winning.
I was so optimistic for the longest time. I really thought that the Green Tips that I have been giving were starting to make a difference. I had faith in all of you budding environmentalists out there.
But then I read a news story this morning that scared me senseless. The top story on Yahoo was about the "Great Pacific Garbage Patch." (Go search for it right now. I'll wait until you get back) This abomination of nature is a massive Brown beast that is sucking the life out of the Pacific Ocean. I may be mistaken, but I'm fairly certain that this is the lesser heard of Fifth Horsemen of the Apocalypse mentioned in Revelation. "And when he had opened the fifth seal, I heard the fifth beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a brown horse; and he that sat on him was called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. And power was given to him over the oceans and he shall kill with tiny plastic pellets that shall float just below the surface. And he shall remain cloaked in invisibility from flying machines and satellites." And then it goes on for a while, you know the rest.
Interesting side note, the Christian fundamentalists that burn Harry Potter books do so because the Bible says that the Fifth Horsemen is cloaked in invisibility, similar to the cloak that Harry Potter has. But now the GPGP has been discovered, it's clear that the Bible is referring to that. You're off the hook, Harry!
Sorry, getting off topic. I do have a plan to stop the end of the world. And it shall take the form of the seventeenth Green Tip. And upon the hour that the seventeenth Green Tip shall be published on-line, there will be much rejoicing, for the people will know that the beast shall have been conquered. And this Green Tip is do not live in California or Hawaii. I know, I know, there are other states and countries (Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, China, That Place On the Western Side of South America That I'd Know the Name of if My Public School Education Had Been Stronger) that lie on the Pacific Ocean that might be to blame. But I think it's pretty clear that, similar to Hurricane Katrina wiping out New Orleans for all their boozing and partying and rampant sexual escapades, God is punishing the materialistic lifestyle of people in California and Hawaii. I mean, just watch the OC and you'll understand.
So please, if you live in California or Hawaii and are a person living in sin, do us a favor and move out. Just do us a favor and don't bring your sins to good, God-fearing places in the country, like the Bible Belt and the Midwest. Las Vegas would be a good fit for you.
"[J]ust watch the OC"
ReplyDeleteDon't call it that.