Not a Green Tip #1: "Going Brown"

Someone once said, “Change is the flower that blossoms from the seed of discontent.” While I can hardly say that there is any discontent when it comes to The Impractical Green Resource, I do agree that Change is very much like a flower; both in that it is not the same in winter and the summer and that if you try to pluck Change it will wither and die. (Don’t worry about trying to understand the metaphor. It isn’t a prerequisite for understanding the message of this post. Also, for those of you who are especially astute, you’ve by now found out that it was in fact I that said that quote at the beginning. So yes, at the time I was lying by saying that someone had said it. But by the time you read it, someone (me) did once say it. Or “say” it would be more appropriate. The words never came out of my lips. I mean, I’m just arguing semantics at this point. But yeah, this is getting almost absurdly philosophical.)

Sorry, digressing again. I should have that looked at. What I was getting at was that everyone once in a while, people just need a change in their lives. Or in the blogs that they read. What if the blogs that they read are their lives? I guess that’s kind of sad. So anyway I figured that all of you must be so tired out from trying to put all 14 Green Tips into effect in your lives. I’ll give you a week to catch your metaphorical environmentally friendly breaths. Instead I’ll just share a new term that I came up with.

Even though at the time I would hardly admit that I enjoyed the “Know Your Planet, Know Yourself” Green Retreat that Gary (my Eco-Nerd co-worker) dragged me on 5 years ago. But now that I am a professional Green Blogger (card carrying member!) I have to admit that I did pick up a useful concept from that sometime between the trust falls and the drum circle. And that concept was that everything in nature has a balance that must be preserved. Think the Yin and the Yang. Or the Sun and the Moon. Good and Evil. Peanut Butter and Jelly.

This got me thinking. First that I wanted a PB & J sandwich. Once that was taken care of, I then thought that there are just some terms that don’t exist yet in the English language that should. For example, you can say that a piece of fruit is ripe, but what do you call it if it is not yet ripe? “Unripe?” “Not yet ripe?” There really isn’t a good word for that. Webster, get working on that before the next edition of the dictionary comes out.

But also, there’s no word for something that is not Green. “Environmentally Unfriendly” just doesn’t cut it. So I propose that people start using the word “Brown” to describe something that isn’t Green. For example:

You: Hey man, is that a new Hummer?
Friend: Yeah, I just got it!
You: Oh, it’s really Brown.
Friend: No, it isn’t. It’s black.
You: No, no, I just meant that it’s not Green.
Friend: Of course it’s not green! It’s black! Can’t you see it??

At which point you and your friend would get into an Abbot and Costello “Who’s on First” routine. Hilarious, right?!

Anyway, you get the point. Use the term Brown. But use it carefully until it’s popular, so as not to offend certain minorities and UPS workers.